Hey all -- I don't post here very often (i'm a bit of a lurker) but anyway I've been having kind of a rough week (and it's only Monday!) just generally feeling depressed / running on zero hours of sleep. I tried calling some friends from college but none of them picked up which bummed me out, I thought about calling a hotline just to vent but instead I sat down and wrote this poem about where I'm at right now...
***Possible Trigger Warning -- I talk about addiction and (vaguely) about self harm ***
[Untitled]
I thought I'd give you a call,
But I realized I just want to talk about myself.
And it's been like 6 months anyway,
There's just too much to say.
Ever since graduation
The days flew by
And now you're on the opposite side
Of this stupid nation.
It's probably better off that way
Last time we chilled didn't go so great.
Sorry I was a stupid ****
I blame it on the drugs.
(And okay, also myself.)
So I drank all summer, all autumn, most of winter.
Just so I wouldn't remember
What a ****** I was.
(Okay, and still am -- kind of).
They can make a pill that calms your mood,
But there's nothing that'll make you get a clue.
Whatever -- **** it.
Doctor's orders can suck it.
Just until the next crisis.
And I'm in a hospital like "Why'd I try this?"
So here I am,
Sufficiently freaked out my fam.
Alienated my friends.
Gained 20 pounds.
And the doctor wont give me a benz.
(Something about a history of addictions).
I called you anyway,
You didn't pick up -- that's okay.
I just wished you happiness and health
And did my best not to talk about myself.
Five minutes later the phone rings,
But's it's not your number!
It's the bank with a fraud alert
Some jackass stole 600 dollars
But hey man, par for the course.
Maybe you'll call back tomorrow,
Next month, next year, maybe never.
But I'll still be here.
This is a very rough draft, just kind of stream of conciousness style of writing. Maybe I'll go back later and polish it up
. Also, I feel like I should include this:
Crisis Services | 24-Hour Help Hotline
If you've never called one before I can't recommend it enough, it can be super helpful.
Be safe everyone.