thank you all for your comments, and replies, as a matter of fact i would like to focus on several points you have mentioned, please forgive me for the order

- first of all none of my information about me including address name city country are real.
- changing my doctor is a bit hard but not impossible since he is helping me to overcome other issues which i have opened up to him, and since it is hard to find a good doctor wherever i live.
- i like shemale porn but the kind that the shemale with women and not shemale with shemale or shemale with male.
- i have girl friend now and everything is ok between us regarding our sex life.
- i realized something the other day that my being attracted or aroused to shemale started when i moved to the another country and when i started to join those websites and etc, until then it was probably in an hibernation mode.
- i have never opened up with my doctor about this issue, whatever i said here was based on a reaction that he made when the gay word came out in the subject and i said that i am not gay, thank God.
- i agree with what you have mentioned about forgiving my self and welcome it , which intersects with one of the readings that i found couple of days ago which will read it soon (I Love You, I'm Sorry, Please Forgive Me: Ho'oponopono)
- you know what, deep inside me when i don't think about the gender in who i want to be with, i come up with an realization that i want to be with a person that loves me and cares about me and have feminine characteristics, feminine body shape and not to be masculine in any way
- and i think that it might be when being with a feminine person i am considering them a female and continue the being