Rewrite: I'm officially in a state of hopelessness. It feels so petty, but I can't help it.

I've been obsessing about intelligence all day and I'm ready to cry, or die, or both. I'm considering cutting ties with someone I recently found out is extraordinarily gifted - I don't want to burden him much more or waste his time. I'm a walking joke, useless in every way, nothing but a burden in the way of those who really matter.

I even retook an IQ test: I've lost 5 points. And I thought I did better than last time. I'll belong in a home in a couple of years at this rate.

I mean, what do I have to lose (no, I'm not going to do anything, just musing)? I'm worth nothing, I have nothing to offer, I am nothing, I do nothing but consume and that's all I'll ever be, so why continue?