Quote:
Originally Posted by maddnessreturns
I just feel like I'm realizing how bad things were. When hearing the CPTSD diagnosis I was just like no no it wasn't that bad. But then we went over some highlights of my history and it hit me like a ton of bricks that wasn't a normal childhood.
But it makes me feel insane because it tacks on to my diagnosis of OCD, Depression, Anxiety, and Anorexia (Recovering  )
But then I just wonder if they were all products of the CPTSD and how I managed to survive if that makes sense.
My therapist tells me I don't give myself enough credit for how well I'm coping through therapy and that I survived childhood with anything left.
My panic attack today was horrible even outside it felt like the world was caving in.
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Compartmentalization is a coping mechanism that allows you to put trauma on a back burner in order to survive. Like running away from a tiger you are not thinking about the tiger you are looking for the nearest tree. It is when the tiger is gone and you slide back down the tree and see a bush or hear a bird song that reminds you of the day the tiger nearly got you that the trauma surfaces. This is processing coming back at a time more convenient than during the survive part. It never feels convenient but your brain remembers triggers & tries to alert you to possible danger. Recognising this is half way to reclaiming sanity. Taking this to therapy offers a different tree. minus the tiger.
You're experiencing a normal & healthy trigger to process old trauma somewhere safe. Take heart, you are wounded not mad.