I have a brother who is abusive. I love him because he's family. But I've had to accept that he will not allow the kind of relationship that I wish I could have with him. He no longer speaks to me, and I am respecting his decision that he wants things that way.

What's surprising about your sister calling when you have received some money that I take it you're supposed to share with her? (if I'm understanding correctly.) My brother hasn't spoken to me since 2013. He'ld call me in 5 minutes, though, if he thought I was holding some money that he could have.

The best you can do, as I'm doing, myself, is to leave the door to your heart open . . . but keep your guard up against abuse. Once we become adults, no one can really abuse us, unless we enable that . . . IMHO. Don't enable stinky behavior by being an audience for it. Promptly disengage when it starts. By now you are able to recognise when that's happening, and you know where it's heading.

Don't bring up the argument and don't carry on with it. What's the point? You won't ever argue her into relating in a more healthy way. If and when she engages you in a positive way, reinforce that by being attentive to her, while she adopts that approach. Disengage when she reverts to antagonistic conversation. Gradually, that might induce her to change . . . or not. She, and not you, will decide the kind of person she wants to be.

I so regret my brother's decision to be the way he became toward me. But it's his choice. I will be forever available to him, if he ever approaches me in a respectful manner. (Were he not family, I wouldn't be.) But I'm done with the back-and-forths we used to get into because they lead to nothing good.