Before I start, please don't comment just to bash me for not wanting kids. I feel I have really valid reasons and even if I don't I think it's best that people who don't feel equipped to raise kids or want to have them don't have them. Kids deserve to be wanted.

Ok, now! My current stressful situation is this: my boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over a year. We have a great, really healthy relationship. We rarely fight, for most anything where we disagree we can discuss things and be respectful and come to resolution. I feel we genuinely love each other, we have fun together, there's lots of laughter, great sex, it's just exactly what I've always wanted. It's the healthiest relationship I've ever had, I honestly didn't know it was possible to have a relationship like this, at least for me.

My boyfriend has been divorced for over a year and his divorce was delayed so he's been living alone/separated for the last 3 years total. His ex-wife hates him and thinks he's the devil. He has two kids, current ages 11 and 15. He has joint custody of his kids, and our first date was right after they moved 1,000 miles away with their mother. I had always had a strict "no one with kids" policy, but I decided to take a chance. I'm almost 35, I've never wanted kids for a myriad of reasons. My mother and I have a difficult relationship that I've posted about before. Growing up my family was very isolated so I never spent much time with kids that were younger than me, even extended family. I just have zero experience with kids. As he and I got serious, I spent time with the kids when they were visiting and even though it was hard for me sometimes, I got to where I liked them and could see being a part of their lives although not as a parental figure. I told my T I wanted to be "like a cool aunt." (I realize now how naive that was!)

As time passed, it became more and more clear that his ex-wife is emotionally and psychologically unstable. (I don't want to get all TL;DR but she either lies constantly or is delusional. Most recently she faked having cancer.) The 15 year old decided over the summer that he couldn't handle her emotional abuse anymore and asked to move back to live with my bf. So he moved back here, and it's been a fairly easy transition. They moved to a 2 bedroom apartment and aside from the schedule getting really really busy we have all adjusted well. Once the ex-wife admitted she doesn't have cancer and had constructed a very elaborate lie/scheme, my boyfriend felt he had to try to get primary custody of his 11 year old daughter who currently still lives with his ex-wife. It looks like as soon as all the paperwork goes through the court that the 11 year old will move back here too. This is where it becomes an issue - we have had 3 actual big fights in our relationship and 2 out of the 3 have been about the 11 year old and her behavior. I get triggered by the 11 year old a lot, she reminds me of me at that age, she has zero emotional regulation skills, she's already a huge drama queen. And also she does normal annoying kid stuff that I know I overreact to.

This week she's been visiting for Christmas and I've been in a lot of emotional turmoil because I know that this is how it will be 24/7 soon. I can be easily overwhelmed and the constant noise of two kids and multiple electronics can make my anxiety go off the charts. I'm not used to ignoring them like my bf is. The 11 year old wants constant attention from everyone and in addition to being overdramatic about nearly everything, she physically puts herself between my boyfriend and me whenever possible. I feel like she's competing with me for his attention, which he agrees with but acts like it's just normal for kids to do that? I don't know if it is, I have zero context. Over the last week "I never wanted kids, I never wanted to be a parent" keeps echoing through my head. I've been very depressed, anxious, crying spells, my boyfriend and I had a huge fight last night about his daughter, our 3rd fight ever. I feel like I need to get out now before it gets harder to end it and everyone gets more hurt. My T says I don't have to decide right now but even though I love my boyfriend and I don't want to be with anyone else I just don't see this ending well. But then I calm down and I go "no, I can do this. We can all get through this." Then I freak out again and go "I can't handle it, this isn't what I signed on for." I'm so torn between wanting to continue to be in a relationship with my boyfriend and knowing it will never be just us ever again. Sometimes I feel like I need to run away to avoid everyone being hurt later on.

I tried to think about what I would tell someone in this situation to do if they posted on the message boards, but I'm at a loss so what do you all think I should do? Should I give it a chance to work before I bail? Am I overreacting because I'm being triggered? My bf says he doesn't want to be with anyone else when I tell him he'd probably be better off finding someone that wants to be a stepmother to his child. It's so hard, I'm in so much pain.