yes, this is how kids act......i am not going to lecture you for not wanting kids. i have the same rule. i raised my kids, i do not want to do it again. i will not even do the "maybe i will give it a chance" because i do not want to end up in you situation. i work with families and you are describing a typical scenario. it is going to take a lot of hard work together for this to work out and you and her are most likely going to be competing for your BF's time. the question is, is he going to balance that time fairly so you both feel satisfied? how stressful is that going to be for him, you and her? you have already had three fights. time can make it better. i see you have bpd and this can be causing increasing your fears and making you want to run, but it can also create more difficulties in making this dynamic meld. not wanting children deep in your heart (no judgement) is going to make it more challenging. loving each other the way you two seem to do, if it were me in the relationship, i would step back. i would get my own place and let him re-establish his relationship with his kids. i would not end the relationship. he would have his family time and we would have our time. then we could have dinners together with the kids, outings and such. spend the night togehter here and there, get aways. build a relationship with the kids in a non-threatening manner outside of the home. a few years down the line, once that relationship is established with the kids, if comfortable witht he idea of parenting, consider moving back in. otherwise continue this path until the kids are grown and then move back in together after they leave. this works for me because i dont mind being alone. but it would allow the relationship to continue without having to be a mom. i hope this helps. take care