No, she's quite happy and at peace, being pretty well asexual, as far as I can see/understand. And I am not expecting any change. That's been one of the big changes for me, to give up any hope of change. I am dissatisfied, yes. But I don't just want sex. That I could get with a prostitute. I want to be desired. But that's just not possible. So strangely, I am more at peace now, knowing why there's no desire. Knowing that we in fact can both mourn what neither of us has found. And simply, it's a lot easier living knowing that there's no sex on the horizon, rather than hoping, 'next weekend, we should be able to find the time, will she feel like it?' And I've also given up dreaming that another book, another person, could provide some miracle answer. For us, the only answer is to go on the way we are, grateful for the good things that we share - and allowing ourselves a little sadness for what we've never had together.

Next Monday, I have my final therapy session, and I've been off antidepressants for 10 days...

I cannot help hoping that as our environment becomes more tolerant, there will, in future, be fewer couples like ours, trapped by our own expectations, and others', in a mixed orientation marriage. That today's young people will find it easier to accept their difference, their homosexuality.