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I actually just finished my 'short paragraph assessment' that she texted me about.
"-------------,
Initially, I looked forward to our sessions and felt more relaxed than when I entered, which is why I agreed to commit to sixteen sessions.
However, that is no longer the case. After the last few appointments, I left feeling more anxious and distressed, which has me regretting
that commitment and dreading the next session to the point of looking elsewhere for further counseling.
I sought out your counseling with what I now believe, was the wrong impression as to how 'trauma-informed arts-based approach'
therapy worked. I had assumed that I would be able to talk about my past traumas, work through them and learn how to use art as a
constructive method of relaxation and self expression. Instead, I feel as if we briefly touch on the subject of the trauma and follow it
with an abrupt 'but we are not going to talk about that' or 'but we are not going to go into detail about that'. I've had to stop myself
a few times from asking why I am even there if we aren't going to talk about it so that I can work through it and at this point, I
wouldn't feel comfortable enough to do so.
As for my art assignments, both past and present, I think that we have conflicting views on the subject. When you asked me to draw
what 'safety' feels like to me, that is exactly what I did. Safety to me has definite shapes and clear images. It relaxes me to create see the exact
image on paper, that I see in my mind'e eye. I do not and cannot see things in abstract. Abstract to me is unknown chaos. It makes me anxious
and distressed. I do not see abstract as safe or even art, to be quite honest. I have tried- and failed thrice thus far to complete this assignment,
only to give into my aggravation and have to start over- as if the holidays weren't stressing enough. My husband mistakenly let our daughter
color on my assignment paper and I seriously debated turning in her scribbles just to be done with it.
While on the subject, though I doubt it was your intent, I do not appreciate feeling as if my daughter is being used as a bargaining chip
during our sessions. I sought counseling to better myself because I don't want my past trauma to negatively effect her through my parenting,
but the repetitive subject of 'ingrained cellular levels' and commentary about how she has already effected by it, only made me feel like I've already
failed as her parent because I went through those traumas before she was born- willingly or not. I've already set my mind on getting help and
working through my issues. It may take time for me to do so, but I don't find being told to 'do it for my daughter' is a productive way to go about it.
At this point in time, I do not feel that continuing our sessions would be beneficial. I would like to know how to go about terminating our agreement
and when I may pick up my artwork from your office.
Roselyn"
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