We all feel down and useless sometimes, I think that is normal, and it’s not a shame to show our weakness, it is called being a human. As far as I can see, you are a caring person, you deserve some help when you need one. We cannot be strong all of the time. I am sorry that you have to hide your feeling from people in your real life, I can imagine how hard it is. But you have friends here who I believe care about you. I am sorry too if I am not helping here, I just wanna drop by so you know that I read your post and I send you a hug