I've been suffering from sleep issues for years now. I've actually always, for as long as I can remember, hated having to go to sleep, as weird as that may sound. Here I am again, dead tired but still up at 3am. And I think I just figured out why.

I have nothing to live for - nothing to wake up to.

This isn't coming from a place of desperation. I'm actually just in amazement. It's amazing that I don't have those things. I'm guessing most almost-30-year-olds do.. But this has been my life. For the first 20 years of my life, my mum was always micromanaging what I could and could not be interested in. And I stupidly seeked her approval!

Now, my life has become empty. In trying to please my mother, I feel I lost myself, or never even had the chance to explore who I am.. I'm just existing.

When it comes to sleeping at night, I've actually always felt that night time was the only chance I had of 'being myself'. Once my mum went to bed, I had no one breathing down my neck! Now, though, I've really been feeling the effects of all the sleep debt I've accumulated over the years. I need to develop healthy sleeping patterns!

I feel I just needed to share this.. I've been living on my own for six years already so there's no need for me to still think the only me-time I get is at night! Mum's not here anymore - I can start exploring who I am - during the day, to find those things that I want to have enegy for every day! That I not only want to live for, but sleep for as well.