It is 3am here too and I understand what you going through... I have not slept in two days and I feel like I probably will not be sleeping tonight.

Maybe you could make lists? I tried that and it helped a bit. I even do mindmaps. I will put a goal in the middle or as the title and list all the ways I can obtain that goal. Then pick one thing you can do that day or the next. I made one where I wanted to start eating healthier and made recipes I could try the next day. My mind races and that helps me focus a little. I try to put anything simulating away: books. my laptop and the notebook I have been writing in.

I also do not have anything to live for so I try and picture something (while laying in bed in the dark) that I always wanted to do. I daydream about how it will feel to be doing that thing.

Due to my lack of sleep I have been hearing noises and seeing flashes, so this calmed me down and kept my mind in a happy place.

I know I have not met you or know much about you but I do know one thing. You are a fighter. You admitting you need to find a way to live a better life. Forget that comic book superheroes. You are hero and a soldier in training. You want to win the war most people ignore. The war of just giving up or living in denial and the wanting to be the best version of yourself.

Thank you for your post.