OMG! Peaches, I just had this convo with my therapist.
I've always been interested in psychology and having been diagnosed in my 30s with ADHD and Bipolar, I am quite familiar with the vernacular related to those disorders and maybe a few others. Whenever I heard the word "Dissociation" the ONLY thing I thought of was "Multiple Personality Disorder" as it was called when I was a kid and I was/am no Sybil. I understood that this was a way of dealing with EXTREME trauma that I have never experienced.
A lot of what you described describes me with my ADHD. I zone out. In "Driven to Distraction" he had a word for it - blink. The author Hallowell was talking about how you could listen to a friend talk then *blink* disappear for a minute and then come back. This was very me as prior to my diagnosis of ADHD I had a conversation with my friends that really hurt because they said they don't come to me with issues because I don't listen when they talk.
I can remember not that long ago going into a store and FLIPPING OUT because I couldn't find my car keys. I'm rummaging in my purse, ran around the store, finally put my stuff down so I could figure out who to call and they were HANGING ON MY PINKY of my left hand, hidden from sight by the box I was holding that I had just purchased!
My memory as of late has been HORRIBLE. I say it started when I started taking Ambien and that's probably 13 years ago. It didn't just mess with my memory while I was on it, but also later on. Like I couldn't remember a phone number I dialed every day for a YEAR. It was GONE. For hours. I finally had to dig out paperwork so I could get the number.
As Skeezyks mentioned here it alarmed me so much that I saw a neurologist TWICE. They test me as if for dementia - do I know the President? Recite the alphabet backwards. I have no problems there, but my son and best friend have noticed the ridiculous amount of stuff that I can't remember. I can't memorize a phone number long enough to dial it.
Anyway, just today my therapist was saying that to HIM it doesn't seem that bad. I know I'm always repeating myself so I'll say, "I don't know if I told you this already but..." He said I probably say that 2-3 times every session but only twice was it actually something I HAD told him.
He asked me if I could think of a reason for the bad memory. Fck if I know! Then he said it could be when I'm anxious or stressed. I put the 2 and 2 together and could see he was implying dissociation, but as I mentioned I never thought that could apply except in the most EXTREME of cases. Apparently this is not so. When he said this I told him that I actually had a rather high score for dissociation on my Sanity Quiz. I'm sending him the results and quiz for him to check it out.
When my memory isn't frightening, it's embarrassing. I jokingly describe myself as Dory from Finding Nemo. I'm constantly asking the same questions at work when it comes to things that go "off script." I know my job well, but when the situation isn't exact I can't for the life of me remember what we did before and this is why I personally don't see it as a dissociative issue, but more of a memory issue. Maybe it is this perimenopause BS. I'll be 45 in 3 months.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Skeezyks
Hello peaches100: I experience some of this. In my case I think it is a mixture of free-floating anxiety & aging with a bit of "maleness" thrown in for good measure. (My wife talks to me all the time & I probably don't hear 50% of it!) I also do little things that don't make sense. The reason you don't have this experience at work may be that you are simply more focused.
I have also wondered, from time-to-time, if I might be experiencing the early stages of Alzheimer's or dementia. I mentioned this once to my pdoc. He pretty-much just dismissed it. But he suggested that if it was of concern to me I might want to have some neuropsych testing. This might be something you could consider as well.  |
The neurologist mentioned the neuropsych testing. Sounds expensive. With my insurance I have to come completely out of pocket until I hit $1500 and I feel like that will cost $1500 so I've just been dealing with it. Just last night my friend said maybe I should seriously consider it though.