Canders,

When I went on a medically supervised liquid diet 17 years ago I lost 130 pounds and gained flashbacks to abuse that I did not remember until that point.

I had a therapist at the time that was part of the liquid diet protocol who I absolutely trusted and loved. He helped me uncover this abuse. He tried very hard to help me, but this was not his specialty. He even went to seminars on abuse issues on the weekends to try to help - I will forever be grateful for his dedication.

He finally gently pushed me to go to a survivor's group that was happening at the hospital. It was a 6 week program where "new" people discussed their stories and began the healing. It was run by two women who were psychologists.

During this group I continued to see my wonderful T and he was able to gently convince me that I needed to ask one of these women to become my primary therapist. Oh boy - I did NOT want to do that! I finally trusted this wonderful man - first time I ever fully trusted anyone, and I did not want to let go.

After many sessions of discussing this I reluctantly had to come to the same conclusion that I really need help that was far beyond his expertise. As much as it hurt, and I won't lie it really did, I made the transition to who is now still my current T. I have been with her since 1990 and she is the one who helped through those issues.

I can look back now and see how right this decision was. I loved this man and I know I wanted to stay with him because I felt safe, warm, taken care of, and admittedly had a crush on him as well. He was the rock and the base that allowed me to trust people again with my secrets and for that I will be forever grateful. My current therapist I will also be forever grateful for because she got me through my abuse issues, my divorce, subsequent relationships, my mother issues, and every other life disaster in the last 17 years!

It is not easy to deal with abuse and I absolutely understand that you are petrified, and you have every reason to be petrified it's a scary experience! However, also looking back in retrospect, I would not be where I am today had I not dealt with those issues as I did.

Did I deal with them gracefully? Not always - I did have a few melt downs and ended up in the hospital. But, I now have put all those memories in their proper place. I am reminded at times of my abuse but it no longer triggers me as it once did. If a get a reminder I simply say "oh, I know what that is and it's okay that doesnt/won't happen ever again". Then I move on.

I wish you much peace with this decision and your current T is being VERY responsible in admitting that you need additional help and that he is not equipped to give that to you.

Tranquility