I honestly think you're right. Kids shouldn't run the roost so to speak. However, in practice, single parents give you the "my kids always come first line". Ok, so I know I take things too literally at times. So if someone tells me the kids ALWAYS come first, then I take this as spoken, the kids ALWAYS come first. Maybe this is extreme, but anything else is pure guessing, i.e. where does the line exactly lie as to when my needs will come first? Do their wants override my needs as a human?

I honestly believe that the strength of the family lies in the strength of the relationship between the parents or parental figures. It is indeed possible to have a good step family relationship but the truth is that if the non-step parent figure doesn't set firm boundaries and lay down the law in terms of the kids showing respect to the new partner, the kids are never going to get along with the new girlfriend, boyfriend, partner, etc. The actual parent holds the power, but anymore its difficult to find someone who doesn't have the "kids first, always, no matter what" attitude.

Anymore I feel that my views are in the minority. Its not worth it to even try to have a relationship with a guy who has a child and I avoid it from the get-go.