I will always be single. Men drag me down, I'm not attracted to ones that would be good for me, and they aren't attracted to me. I'm 41, and well the best years are behind me.

No matter how much I try to fight the fact, I will never be the person I aspired to be career wise, family wise, etc. It's just reality my life is nothing I truly wanted and everything I despised. Karma maybe, but not really knowing where to go from here sucks.

My goals have dropped drastically, from home ownership to finding a rental apartment I can reasonably afford. I hate my life. It never ends just because we're sick of trying, sick of hitting a brick wall. No life continues. Day after day, year after year.

I'm losing interest fast. Oh yeah I had a severe allergic reaction to my generic abilify. Thought I got MS it was so bad. I've been off meds for 3 days now. I want so bad to just be normal, but it's like ingrained that I fight normalcy with every ounce of my being.

Well I'm alive, I'm working my fulltime temp job, trying to figure out if I can afford to move out, knowing that I will sink or fly on my own from here on out, and well that frightens me.