Thanks, debbie tabor, Lemon, alexandra_k, and pachderm for your responses.

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pachyderm said:
I react to that as a needed and welcomed dose of reality-thinking. Not a judgement on you, but just reality.

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Hmm, interesting interpretation. I am totally reality grounded so if my counselor thought I needed that, I guess she didn't really know me. Probably, she just said what came to the top of her head. I found out later much of her business was acupuncture, so maybe she didn't really have much experience with talk therapy. Eventually I did quit going to see her as I had reached the limits of her skill set.

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pachyderm said:
That would set off alarms for me -- that my therapist was saying something she thought would please me, so I would like her more. Or something that was more playing to her needs than to mine.

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From "I bet you do. Or tonight!", you got that my T was playing to his needs and not mine? To me it felt like he provided empathy and understanding, not like he was trying to jump through hoops to please me. I've never had the feeling my T was doing stuff to try to please me. Do you think your T does that to you? My T can be quite attuned to my needs, though, and on occasion has even asked me what I needed and wanted to get out of therapy (but not what I wanted him to do to please me). I think if we tell them our needs, they can provide better therapy. I still need practice at this, though.

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pachyderm said:
My reaction would be that your last statement is true. That your second therapist's reaction more closely fit your felt needs at the time than your first one's.

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I think part of my problem is I am not always aware of what I need, so unfortunately, in the first interchange, I couldn't give the counselor much guidance. Plus it was a small moment, and we quickly moved on.

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alexandra_k said:
It strikes me as a judgement because the therapist seems to be thinking that you need to reality test when you are painfully aware of the reality of the situation. It seems to me that what was needed... Was some acknowledgement of your WISH or an acknowledgement of your DESIRE. Not some statement of whether your wish or desire was realistic or unrealistic. Not some statement of whether your wish or desire was likely to be fulfilled or not fulfilled. Just some acknowledgement that you did indeed wish or desire that and that wishing or desiring it was understandable. Not something to be ashamed or embarrassed about. Understandable.

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Yep, you got it alexandra_k!