I knew what was wrong with me. Why I feel the way I do. Why there's always a numb pain hanging over my head, even in the "happiest" of times. Why I always feel like crying, but never actually can. Why I can't at all describe how i'm feeling, or even how i became to feel that way.

I see familiar looking people and want to curl up in a ball and hide. I think about people and i want to either bang my fists up against a wall, or scream in anger because I hurt so badly. Thoughts of SI are streaming through my mind, and the only way to get rid of them is sleeping it off. Even then, i wake up to dreams that only reinforce how unhappy I am. Dreams that give either give me comfort or anguish .... but no matter what kind, i always wake up with a general dread for what i have to do that day.

I'm debating going back on the AD's, or going back to see my T .... but i don't feel a connection with her, and AD's won't really solve anything. But this feeling ... this haunting feeling, doesn't seem to be situation based anymore ... just kind of spontaneously occurs, and rarely gives me a moment to myself to rationally think about why I'm constantly on the verge of tears.

I feel so lost