I read somewhere "You are not a burden. You have a burden and burdens should be shared." I'm glad you shared yours with us.

I struggle with this a lot. For almost 20 years, since before I started college, I struggled with chronic issues even then, and everyone told me it was in my head. Heck, they still do, even after surgically, biopsied proof positive that I have had these debilitating chronic, incurable, and completely externally invisible conditions, likely (but unprovable) for years. Yes, plural. But my doctors still shrug off my pain. Friends smirk. Even my family still occasionally tries to say it's in my head.

People have a hard time wrapping their minds around someone else's suffering. They struggle with empathizing with something they cannot see.

I struggle to explain it to them, to justify it. They don't realize just how hard it is to watch life go by you, while you're in pain. They don't realize the frustration, the sadness and dejection we feel when we can't do what "normal" people do.

I've lost a lot of friends, even some family have turned their backs on me. I'd be lying if I said it didn't still hurt like hell.

I guess what I really am trying to say is that it's okay for you to feel these emotions. They make perfect sense. Jealousy is a natural, but deeply self-harming emotion. I've found that I can let myself feel these emotions fully, then I drag myself out of them because the fact is, it doesn't do me any good and I know it. Some days are worse than others, but I just keep moving forward and tell myself that "this too shall pass." Cliche though it is, it is the truth.

If I may offer any advice. Be your own health advocate. You know your body better than anyone and if you know there is something off balance with it, then keep pushing for answers. Keep moving forward for what you want for your life, not others. Easier said than done, I know. Believe me I know.

Anyway, in the meantime, wallowing in a little jealousy or relishing a little schadenfreude once in a while is completely understandable. Just know you can rise above this when you are ready.

The struggles you are dealing with today will make you stronger and more resilient than those you envy.