Interesting how we don't think about those things that cause lack of respect for someone before we have sex, get pregnant, feel we have to get married.....& then reality HITS us right in the face.

I'm sure his work ethics haven't changed since you married him....they just became obvious to you. I totally agree, you can't LOVE someone you don't respect....what you thought you loved going into the marriage had nothing to do with reality.

If there was something truly there before you got married then it would be good to go through marriage counseling to see if you can revive the emotions that existed. It's not easy but if you truly want to be married to him....it's worth the effort.

I remembered at the end of my marriage that I had wanted to stop the wedding ( I wasn't pregnant & there was no child involved in the wedding decision making process) because of personality & value issues I realized I didn't like. My mom talked me out of my concerns & I reinforced those thoughts thinking that someone with a high IQ & college degree couldn't possibly have the irresponsible issues I was seeing (I was fooled by the high value I placed on education). But looking back, I went into the marriage feeling no respect for him & he just reinforced those feelings continually so love never grew. I grew up in a home with no emotional connection so I had no idea what was missing in my own marriage. I wondered if that was how all marriages were but left it at that.

I stayed 33 years only because I hid myself in my degree for the first few years & then in my computer engineering career 15 years after that. It wasn't until I no longer had a hiding place that I realized just how bad the marriage was. The last 13 years I ended up financially trapped & was so desperate to get out that I attempted suicide so many times I lost count.

If there is really nothing between you & you are giving your son a bad example of life....it's better to get out when you can that to end up trapped. I still can't afford the divorce but he almost financially destroyed me even after I escaped & moved 2100 miles away to the other side of the US.

We all have our own rational for getting married....sometimes we look back & forget what those thought processes were & why we made the choices we did after learning the reality of the person we REALLY married.

It's really an internal thing that it comes down to when deciding to leave. I was always independent but I went from living at home with parents to married....never lived alone to know myself. At the end of my marriage I had horrible side effects to meds & anorexia where I couldn't take care of myself & PTSD from a trauma I went through with the home care person when my mom was dying. I was a mess & had no idea if I could make it on my own. Leaving was the best thing I ever did though I still get nightmares about the fights & struggles I had wait almost x-husband. Life alone isn't easy but I LOVE IT so much more than being married