I always knew I felt uncomfortable with emotions - something that increased the older I got. I've been accused of having aspergers a lot. I'm not - but I grew up in a household where any emotion I had was considered wrong. So I learnt to just ignore my emotions. That made them mad and try even harder to break me and pry emotions / distress out of me, and I was determined I would not let them win. Now its got so automatic I don't even know if I have any emotions.

They are completely separate from me, and Im only vaguely aware of them. Even things as basic as my T pointing out that Im cold - that often surprises me as I will be completely unaware I am shivering. My T will mention Im shivering and its only then it will dawn on me 'oh right! Im cold'! Sometimes I will be talking about bad things and I won't feel anything at all, but sometimes he will mention suitable emotions and I will be, like 'oh! Yeah! Im angry / sad / whatever'. Or I will understand that that knot in the pit of my stomach is an emotion I couldn't previously label. Urgh, Im no good at explaining this!