Hi everyone, I am new to PC. I feel very disgusted, ashamed, and self-hateful because of what I have done when I was beginning and in the middle of puberty. I'll try to start from the beginning and see if it adds more insight to my situation. When I was about 5 or 6 I would go to my best friends house, and he had a little sister who was just a couple years younger than me. Every once and a while we would play a game where I was the prince, she was the princess, and her brother, my friend was the bad guy. Every time I defeated the bad guy, me and his sister would kiss. Not like a make out session, just some pecks on the lips. I can't remember whose idea it was to kiss all I remember is that it happened, and I liked it. That is not why I am ashamed and so disgusted with myself. I myself have a sister and when I was 13, I began starting to have sexual feelings and not knowing what to do with them just like every other 13 year old. My sister was 8 or 9 years old at the time, and some nights in the middle of the night while she was asleep I would kiss her, not make out with her or anything just a couple pecks on the lips. When I did it I would close my eyes and imagine a supermodel. I never touched any of her private areas (except once I touched a boob and I stopped immediately because I knew it was wrong) or did anything else to her. Just some kisses. I didn't understand at the time what I was doing was wrong, I had an idea but I didn't think anything of it. I don't even think I had an erect penis, I just wanted to feel good. I understand now (not at the time) that since she was asleep it wasn't consensual and I don't have any attraction to anything like that. I was homeschooled during this time and didn't have many friends so I felt like that was my only opportunity to feel good. And at the time she was 8 or 9, and I was never attracted to her sexually and never have been attracted to a child. This was a long time ago, and I had almost forgot about it until recently but before whenever I would remember I didn't think anything of it. Now the past couple nights I have not been able to get any sleep and I have been so depressed because of how disgusted I am, I feel like I can't tell anybody because I am so ashamed and afraid to be judged. That was my sister, and I love her to death and I feel like I violated her. She is 12 now and she doesn't know. If she never found out I would be ok with that. I just need help moving on past the guilt, shame, and self-hatred. I just want to make sure I'm normal please help