I cannot imagine a life without drugs. It would be like losing my best friend. Yet, here I am coming off marijuana and alcohol. The future without the substances scares me. It is like I am fighting a massive self-destructive urge to quit. A few days in and I am scared. Still a mess mentally and actually on suicide watch right now. I haven't been able to calm down, even with the meds. Logically I want to live a healthy life and get control of the bipolar and PTSD but often I just don't care. Am I making any sense?