Dear LuckyR, yes, my spouse died. It has been 21 months now, and things are very different as time passes. I have so much to tell you, yet want you to know that each of us is on a different path, so your path may be nothing like mine. When my husband died, I went into a Manic phase. It lasted for about 4 months and during that time I gave away about 30 thousand dollars (most of it to one man) and started to sleep with a lot of strangers and bought a 42 thousand dollar car. Then, the bottom dropped and I started sleeping for 20 hours at a time, almost lost my job and continued my man hunt. That was year one. Thinking that year 2 should be better, I spent 3 days in the hospital and really hit bottom. I also saw a thearpist the first year, but remember very little about that time. OK< now for the good news. After much study, new docs, new meds, help from family and friends, self-reflection and no doubt the grace of God, I am living back to my "normal crazy". The pros say it takes 15 to 18 months to go through the first stages of grief and they are correct when they say it. Give yourself space and take whatever help you can find. I like widownet.org for a place to talk to other widows/ers to name a starting place. My heart goes out to you, as I do believe we got a double whammy with the death and our own mental illness. Get the help you deserve and get it now when you are able to ask for it. Peace to you and yours - Debra