Mars,
Just from the little you wrote, it sounds like you "are" grieving in your own way. I don't think one has to have a breakdown to be grieving. Everyone grieves in his/her own way. You have so many things on your mind...your childhood with your mother that you can't recall so well, and now the passing of your mother that you loved so much. Be good to yourself and patient as well. There are no set rules for grieving. You will "handle" it in your own way. And that's what's best for you. Take care, and know that there is a complete stranger (me) that will include you in her prayers tonight. Susan