I had an incident with my mother today where she wanted me to do something for her, but I didn't feel up to it (which she knew), so I said no. She kept stressing how she'd do it for me, and WOW, couldn't believe that I wouldn't do that for her, etc. Thing is, it wasn't even something necessary, it was a "problem" created by her codependent behavior. I pointed out the non-codependent solution and she didn't want to hear it. So it then fell to me (in her mind) to somehow to resolve the situation, and I was automatically "bad" for not cooperating/playing along. It was also something I would never even ask her to do for me in the first place because I think it's just ridiculous to bother anyone for something like that.

On thinking about it, this is where the "I am bad if I don't do whatever others want me to" issue came from. It has been drummed into me since childhood by precisely this kind of behavior that I was bad if I didn't do what people wanted, whether I should oblige them or not. But my welfare or what I wanted or needed never entered into it. How invalidating is that? Hm.