Shattered Sanity, everyones reality is different due to being in a different space. I hope some day you can grow beyond the funk you are in. Lord knows what you have been through and none of us are minimalizing your pain or suffering. The people here have worked hard to deal with growth and acceptance to what they can change, and what they cannot to get rid of it. Nothing happens overnight so i encourage you to read the forums and read the stories. Perhaps someone might help you in your journey going into the year 2016. Life is hard for all of us, remember that. tc