Quote:
Originally Posted by marjan
Your example is not extreme at all. I broke my foot at the gym, I needed help to go to hospital and come back home. He showed up with his kids but all he said "ouch it looks bad, but we got to go. I promised kids to take them to the movie. When we have done, I will call you."
You can imagine how much I cried in the hospital and I am alone here. I had to call a friend to help me go back home. My friend was shocked saying how it's even possible he's not here for you. He could have canceled the movie day with his kids.
No, my broken foot was not as important as taking his kids to the movie.
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A similar thing happened with me and my (long ago) ex. I loved her and her daughter, and the kid had nothing to do with the break-up. However, when I had pretty invasive surgery, my girlfriend did not come to the hospital with me or take care of me afterwards. She said her daughter needed her full-time and she could not take care of me. I suggested both her and her daughter staying with me at my house so she could look after both of us for just a day or two (the kid was very young). She said no because her daughter would be less comfortable at my house. So, instead, I had a friend drive me home and bring me necessities and then I just managed by myself.
I think the issue is that when two people have a child together, the adults are very bonded to both one another and the kids. Plus, before the kids were born, you were #1 so there are still some lingering feelings/duties there. So, if one parent is sick, the other parent prioritizes them and the kids have to wait while "mommy takes care of daddy." But, when you are the outsider, you come last. You are not the kids' parent, so it is not expected that the kids will wait while your partner attends to you. It's a totally different situation. I don't think it's great parenting, but it is the way a lot of people choose to parent. Culturally, there is this idea thst kids always have to be the most important, so a lot of people (especially moms) think they are being "bad" parents anytime the kid is unhappy or not getting what s/he wants.