Wander: I think one of the things with marijuana dependency is that most people believe it's not 'addictive', but that couldn't be further from the truth. I have so many friends and family members who are addicted to it, like literally can't go a day without smoking it, and even though they claim to be fine (some of them; some of them do actually admit to it being a problem) if they didn't have the drug they'd be far less than fine. It's a mood/mind-altering substance. It's completely possible to be dependent on it for the high, which really is what addiction is all about. It bothers me that so many people only think of it as a gateway drug. While it's true that it can and often does lead to other things, whether it's alcohol or harder drugs, it's dangerous in and of itself if a person becomes dependent on it (for something other than health reasons, I mean).

The first while is hard for sure. I had to try so many times before I was finally able to gain any lasting sobriety. But each day behind you is one more day you don't have to do over again, just like someone else said. It is ****ing hard dealing with addiction and mental health issues at the same time. When I was in early recovery I was under the impression that my depression and my anxiety and general negative outlook on life and lack of coping skills were a result of my addiction but I've been sober 9 1/2 years now and I can say for certain that things have gotten more challenging because in a way alcohol and drugs were the things that allowed me to medicate myself, which is why I went from functioning in my addiction to barely functioning with a few years of sobriety behind me. I wasn't prepared for this to happen to me and I have judged myself harshly, because in support meetings and stuff, people don't talk about what it's like to get sober and have to deal with mental health crises. They only talk about the 'positives' because they want to attract people to recovery. That's great and all; it's important to have something that draws people in initially, but if someone doesn't have the upward trajectory that is idolized in any sort of recovery, then it can be really daunting.

It's been a long, hard journey for me, but one thing I can say is that yes, it is possible to deal with mental health issues free from drugs and alcohol. Yes, it is possible to undergo intense periods of traumatic experiences and not want to use all the time. This is my current experience. Aside from the occasional fleeting thought that it could be a possible outlet for me, I quite literally never think about it anymore. But I had to surround myself with other people in recovery. Early on I did the 12-step thing, until my mental health stuff took over and I couldn't be there anymore for personal reasons. I've tried pretty much everything there is in terms of therapies, clinics, skills-based trainings (CBT, DBT), counselling, inpatient, outpatient, etc, and it's all been useful.

I have severe mental health issues. There's a chance I may always have them. Sometimes I can't even leave my house. And sometimes I don't feel safe anywhere I go, at home or elsewhere, because the problem is me, inside my own mind and body, and I can't escape. But at least addiction is one of the things I'm not having to deal with anymore. It's possible. Hang in there and fight to the best of your ability. If it helps, just try to remember that you only have to do one day, one hour, one minute at a time. That's it. And if the best you can do is 'just getting by', it's still a hell of a lot better than the alternative. You can PM me if you ever need to talk. Best of luck.