What do you do when you are actually told by the professionals that your situation is hopeless? I am NOT suicidal, but I am highly intelligent and am able to reason.
If you look at my profile and posts, you will see what I have been dealing with since I was a child. Even the professionals admit that my case is hopeless. One of the psychiatrists I saw actually said to me “after all you’ve been through, you should have vaporized by now”!
My current therapist says, first of all, that exposure to Agent Orange during the Vietnam War (look up the horrors of this chemical weapon if you don’t know what it is) during the first few years of my life caused brain damage. Then, my parents, who never wanted me, drugged me with heavy doses of a highly toxic prescription medication (that was originally a deadly insecticide, probably in Agent Orange) for 25 years. They badly abused me in every way possible which I won’t go into here.
I have had difficulty all of my life finding and holding down a job. My parents left me in a very confused state. My current therapist says I have recurring depression and anxiety, agoraphobia, PTSD, Asperger’s, chronic fatigue syndrome and seasonal affective disorder among things because of what I have been through. She says I am entitled to disability and I am in the process of applying.
The government has made so many mistakes in my disability application that I can see why the country is in such a mess. They told me I am not entitled to disability because I have not worked 5 of the last 10 years. That is because I have been disabled since childhood and my parents were so ashamed of this that they tried to hide it and cover it up by drugging me, isolating me from the world and telling me to never tell anyone. They never claimed my disability.
I consider myself a veteran of the Vietnam War, even though I was less than 2 years old, because the military sent our whole family to the war zone. I’m sure they pumped us all full of toxic medications before sending us. Now they want to deny that I am disabled. I got the official letter of disability denial on Christmas Eve Day. They said I am not disabled and am too well educated to not be able to work. Yes, I have 2 university degrees among other qualifications, but this has nothing to do with not being able to work! I would love to be able to do meaningful work, but I am so exhausted after this battle that has lasted a lifetime, that I can’t.
On top of all this, I lived in England for 15 years with my wife and children who are British. We lived a horrible life in poverty and hunger. I returned to the US almost 3 years ago, with PTSD and my other conditions to try and find a better life for us. They are still there and I haven’t seen them since. This was due to another government mistake, this by the Immigration Department. They told me I had to return by myself, get a job that pays 10% above the poverty level and find a place to live before they could come. We now know that we could have all come over together AND received help and my wife would have just had to change her status. She already has a Green Card and has worked here and both of our children have US passports.
As I said in the beginning, I am not suicidal, but I am out of options. I have no job, no income, no place to live and have been homeless for almost 3 years. Nobody will help me except a spiritual organization who has given me a place to sleep and a little food. My mental health conditions make it very hard for me to survive on a daily basis and I am now so weak and exhausted, I am barely functioning. I can’t work, I have no income and can’t get an acceptable place to live. My mental and physical health is rapidly deteriorating and there is nothing I can do about it.
I have tried everything and even my therapist has run out of options. I don’t know what else I can do if I can’t even get disability. Even if I do get it eventually, they have told me that I would only get a maximum of $700 per month instead of the usual $2600 or so because I haven’t worked long enough. I can’t survive on $700 per month.
