Quote:
Originally Posted by kaliope
it is sad, but this is the reality of some people's lives. being crippled with debt is a choice and a way out. it is not really crippled and she wouldnt have to pay it until after she graduates. she could move out, get a job and support herself and never have anything to do with her mom again. the payments on loans are really not that high, you just pay them for the rest of your life. it is a pain to apply for scholarships, but she can do that as well. and there are grants out there as possibilities as well. if she wants out bad enough, she will take on the debt. Or she can find a friend to move in with but she will still have to take out the loans to go to college. she wont make enough to pay for it on her own. she is an adult, there is no way her mom can keep her in the home. there really arent many other choices.....you dont mention dad...is he an option?
|
You're absolutely right, it is the reality of many. And all of these solutions are logical and straightforward and I agree with them, but the way she's been treated and has lived for much of her life have taken their toll, contributing to mental illness and a still strong attachment (and fear) to her mom which complicate her tendency towards those solutions, especially when those solutions will only, in her opinion, further worsen her situation. She is an adult now so legally there's no way her mother can keep her in the home, but legality isn't as strong as the emotional and physical threats that plague her.
Her biological dad is barely in the picture; her stepdad, whom she considers to be her father figure, lives with them, but her mom and stepdad have a very complicated relationship, greatly due to her mom's personality and fiery irrationality. Her family has moved over and over throughout the years, so if she were to pack up her things and leave, she barely has friends, let alone friends close enough that their families would allow her to stay for a while. I'm away at college myself so I unfortunately can't help her in that regard. She's been applying for scholarships since her senior year of high school, but unfortunately hasn't won one.
I suppose what I'm searching for isn't so much as solutions for her plight, because the solutions are there. I guess my main concern is finding a way to help support her and help her see those things as the better alternatives, especially when she's suicidally depressed and so affected by the things her mother does and says to her. I realize that you can't force someone to see something in a particular way, especially when they're the one who's suffering. I don't want to push her away, I don't want to say the wrong thing at the wrong time or in the wrong way. I know what not to say when it comes to suicidal ideation, as I've dealt with that myself for a long time. But I have no experience with aiding someone in an abusive environment, and I don't want to hurt her more than she's already hurting.