Thanks musinglizzy. I'm still not totally clear, and that's probably just me. I do believe there is a difference between rules and boundaries as another poster mentioned, but that left me more perplexed as I thought got about it. With rules there are usually negative consequences, even if the rule is stated in a positive way. With boundaries, I think of a win/win situation. She keeps her comfort and you know what to expect, and are kept safe in the therapeutic frame. No shaming. If the boundary is reached or broken there is no harsh penalty, it is discussed, one is reminded of it or it's even renegotiated. If boundaries are a win/win situation then you and others would not have been left devastated and fearful. So I believe your therapist had a rule for herself of not touching clients and not saying I love you, etc., she broke them, needed to pin the blame on you, which in turn has left you in acute distress. I honestly believe there is some passive-aggressive behaviors going on with her. You have the fear and she has the power. My opinions only.

I used to fear all the boundary violations that are spoken about in this forum. And, I needed to know what my mom therapis's boundaries were, because I was not going to be one of those clients. I was going to protect myself, and not let the woman hurt me. I've been hurt before in therapy. Her comment about boundaries still reverberates in my ear every time I read about boundaries on PC. "There are no boundaries." Short of rules along the legal lines, she could not set boundaries in advance. She couldn't really know what they were in advance and give them to me. If things bothered her we would discuss them like I would do with things that bothered me. She allowed touch. I don't see touch as a boundary in general, but I'm sure she would have spoken up as to what her limit was if she felt uncomfortable, not throw the baby out with the bath water, and the blame me.

At this point I'm still in a pickle to understand the term boundary, or boundary vs rule especially in psychotherapy.