I'm really struggling right now. My oupatient care at the psych hospital has just finished and suddenly I have all this time on my hands to think and I'm feeling lost and confused and scared. I'm also freaked out about having to start job hunting - I haven't really had to do it since '91 and while I have a good solid work history there's always the question of why I left my last job. Can't decide on the degree of honesty I want to get into on that front. Yesterday and today I've been really wanting to drink. I won't but I want to. I just want the nice slide into oblivion until I think through the drink and remember all the really bad %#@&#! drinking has got me into, not to mention that I can't handle another detox. I've tried praying but it still feels really foreign to me, and my sponsor is having all kinds of problems of her own so I'm hesitant to bother her at the moment. I'm reading the 12 and 12 and that seems to bee helping some, but I just wish that my brain wouldn't just automatically go to wanting alcohol at the first sign of stress in my life. Yesterday was 5 months sober and I feel like I should be happy about that, but all I feel is this overwhelming feeling like I''m always going to be struggling.

Guess I could just use some encouragement.

--splitimage