View Single Post
 
Old Jan 02, 2016, 06:52 PM
Anonymous37785
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Quote:
Originally Posted by ex vivo View Post
Might help to think of boundaries as sort of an extension of oneself, including the unconscious mind.

Hypothetical examples of how that can play out--

"I need the approval of this person so badly, that I will sacrifice myself. I will allow them to take, take, take, until I have no more to give." (also revictimization) This is sort of boundryless person. The person asserts no boundaries and others who are predispositioned will take advantage whether intentional or not. A therapist can sight of the t-relationship by being swept away by their own issues here.

"I have no worth, so I will give, give, give, take care of others' needs, while ignoring my needs" This leads to revictimization as well....This could be a therapist responding to every whim of a needy client. Or, a victim of child abuse getting revictimized...

"I need to be a savior" A therapist with this persona is really prone to serious boundary violations as they can lose sight of therapy altogether. For example, this could be the type of therapist who invites the client to his/her home as nothing will stand in the way of saving the client

"I am so absorbed/anxious/worried about my own needs getting met, that I do not even see the other person's needs" This could be a person contacting the therapist way too much though innocently. The person turns into the perpetrator

"If I let someone get to know me, they will reject me. I can't let myself be vulnerable lest be hurt" This could drive a therapist to the profession so that they can have relationships with others (clients) while staying safe and distanced

"My needs are more important than others' needs. Their needs don't matter". This is someone who may purposely take from others, objectify, and violate. Abuse can be thought of as a violation of another's boundaries.

This is one of the main reasons why it is so important for a therapist to have gone through depth therapy themselves!

Healthy boundary:

"I take care of my own needs and want to be there for my clients as well, while maintaining professionalism. I know myself well enough to know I tend to be a people pleaser, so I will limit emails to x per week, etc"

I think Puzzlebug said it elsewhere-poor boundaries is a sign of an unsafe therapist. It could be innocent, a result of that person's own upbringing. I wouldn't put misjudgments in this same category though as everyone makes mistakes.

A therapist should be keenly aware of these things--but in themselves as much as in their clients. Looking at those examples, you might see how people who are victims of abuse can be revictimized by not asserting boundaries. One main reason why it is the therapist's job to manage boundaries rather than blaming a client when things go wrong.

Boundaries are much, much more than rules. They reflect your character. They are very important!
Thanks for your reply. I do believe it is the therapist JOB to set boundaries for herself keeping in mind the needs of the client. Boundaries were not an issue in my therapy. My therapist has strong boundaries in taking care of herself.

A variation of your example is a true experience for me. "You can write as many emails a day if you want, 30 or 300. It doesn't matter to me." What did matter to my therapist is that I understand, she would only read emails, and or respond to emails if she had time. THAT IS HER BOUNDARY, I'm guessing. This was stated when I first asked to send emails at 3:00 am, and that she did not have to respond. That is taking care of herself. Boundaries are an individual thing, and need to work for both the client and the therapist. Just because one therapist is burned out at responding to ten emails this week, and another is not, does not make the second therapist unsafe.

My therapist responded to 2/3 of my many emails in 18 months. She didn't put pressure on herself to respond to that many (her words). She even shared with me at one point she was extremely busy, and there might be a period time, she might not be able to respond like she had been. It was not a problem for me. This was my second warning. She was more concerned than me. I believe it's when therapists put expectations on themselves and they can't meet those expectations that many go crazy , start screaming about their boundaries, and then take it out on their client(s). I've really only seen two Posters on this forum that have had therapists make mistakes when it came to emails/text that have handled it in what I consider a semi proper way. And, when they saw the effects on their clients they set out to make repair to address the needs of their clients, and therapy was able to truly move forward.

I am not as confused now, as to what people see as boundaries. I just don't see it the same way as some. And, that is not a bad thing.

Thanks again.
Thanks for this!
musinglizzy