Thanks for your interesting comments, sister. I like how you two share your fantasies.

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sister said:
I do think it's important for us to remember that T's are human and that it is impossible for them to ALWAYS say what we want them to; of course, I am the first to let him know when he doesn't.

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I didn't perceive her as criticizing me at the time, and I was a very undemanding client (never expected her to be perfect when I was seeing her). And I had no agenda in mind that I was aware of that I wanted her to say a specific thing. What is so very pathetic about me is it is only now, a year and a half later, that I am realizing that this comment of hers (and others) didn't work for me. At the time, it was just another dead end in conversation--we certainly had many. I guess I can be so removed from my own negative feelings, that I don't even realize I have them at the time. sister, I greatly admire you for knowing what you feel right in the session with your T so that you can tell him then and there. I think I am getting better at that (I think I have improved on that year and a half lag ). Were you always so aware of what you were feeling immediately in session that you could just tell your T? Or is that something you came to be able to know and do after being in therapy for a while? I need to learn to be more self aware of my inner feelings, to know them as they happen. I think part of it for me is that now that I am with this T who is so attuned to me, it can make me realize from time to time how unattuned the previous counselor was. Only in comparison do I understand... Does that make sense?

She has been on my mind--the previous counselor. I dreamt about her 2 nights ago. I tried calling her a few months ago (for a referral), but she never returned my call.

Hang in there, sister, with your T's absence.