Quote:
Originally Posted by SkyscraperMeow
There's a certain irony in this post, especially when you more or less say: 'I know I have power because my therapist told me I did.'
If you have power, nobody needs to tell you that you have it. It's obvious. And also, if you have power, there does not need to be a complex set of structures to protect you from the therapist in the form of social and sexual boundaries.
Honestly, I think anyone who doesn't acknowledge that the therapist has the power is in a form of denial. Maybe it's too uncomfortable to admit that someone who puts hard lines around how and when you can contact them is definitely the one in charge. Therapists play power games constantly in a myriad of forms - even the good ones.
I just think most people either overlook it, don't particularly care, or don't want to deal with the cognitive dissonance the therapy relationship creates.
People who are sensitive to power dynamics are going to be incapable of ignoring it though. I actually think people who are aware of the power dynamic in therapy are more able to protect themselves than people who pretend it isn't there. A lot of people get blindsided when the power imbalance suddenly hits home unexpectedly.
Your therapist decides when you meet, how long you meet for, whether you can email them outside therapy, whether they will suddenly go away for a few days or three months - the client has essentially no control in a therapy relationship apart from maybe what to talk about in session.
And I think that's where you're confusing your ability to pick the topic you talk about with who actually wields the power - because they're not the same thing. You can pick the topic sure, but it will a) cost you and b) end when the therapist dictates it should end (the end of the session.)
Pretending that makes you in control is just... inaccurate.
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Denial's working out pretty well for me, thanks. I get what I want out of therapy, I tell them what I want them to do (and they do it), I criticize them. I don't bear any scars from nine months of therapy, and it's partly because I always knew this relationship existed at my whim. Any time I even found myself liking one of them, I would firmly remind myself that they were an employee. And that if they did any wrong I had the means and the resources to see that there would be professional consequences for them.
Now that is not a common experience, it sounds like. But it is an experience. So please don't tell people like me and the poster you're responding to that we're not in touch with reality. We are. Our reality.
It especially bothers me that the poster you responded to clearly benefits from that sense of power, and you're trying to take that benefit, that security away.
My opinion is that it is more dangerous as a client to assume the therapist has power than to assume that the client has it. That is not shared by all, probably not even the majority, on this thread, for many different reasons. And that is fine. Let everyone do what works best for them.