Recently some girl I randomly met gave me advice that hit me very well today. It impacted me in an ah ha moment.

I was not sober when speaking to her and it was out if place for me, but it hit me when she sarcastically replied,

"Did no one tell you not to assume ever? It's good advice."

I've been doing that all along. I never liked reality never could do it. I was always distant from reality I can actively stop being mindful a lot of the times and I'd be the happiest in the world but make a huge mess behind me.
Growing up she was right, I never learned or understand why I still do it. It really shows I choose to assume others will harm me because I have not successfully let anyone in or try to. I don't plan on it. I have difficult expectations I don't know how to let people in. It's not once in my life I was given that luxury. So I can't know as others do. I wasn't socially stupid or anything. I'm just scared not of failing , just causing me more distress that I don't need, I really needed someone to go to me and have me wake up. You know I can't say it's something that could of been avoided ever, I never had people really understand me ever because they never took the time to or just didn't care to. My parents included, my sister especially and anyone I was or am close to they get me all wrong assume from my behavior and words never anything else.

My only wish in life is to have that person who does just experience it once is all I want to afford.