My boundaries in T have been negotiated as we go. There were some clearly set out in our initial session - eg around confidentiality, cancelling sessions etc but things like between session contact we've figured out as we go. My T and I seem to read each other really well and I know, for example, that she can't be there for me 24/7 or immediately when I'm in crisis. She knows that if I'm contacting her between sessions it's because I'm struggling and need some kind of response and we both know that therapy happens in session - so no long email or text conversations about my "stuff".

In terms of touch, my T has been explicit about why she doesn't touch or hug me if I'm upset and she did it in a non shaming, gentle, almost in passing way. In fact she hugged me for the first time before a recent break, we'd had a hard session and it felt right and appropriate, without me thinking that's how we'll end sessions from here on in. And if I wanted to explicitly talk about it, I know that would be fine too.

I don't think any of what you wanted in therapy was wrong mussinglizzy, your T has managed the boundaries of the relationship poorly, probably with good intention but poorly nonetheless.