Hmmmmmmm... also forgot to say that he told me to drop in a few hours later for a few minutes to check in.

So I behaved myself, didn't do anything to myself SI-wise and I actually ate (which he asked me to do).

So I get up the courage to tell him that I am more than willing to make the phone call to the abuse centre. He didn't know I was humoring him before and actually had no intention of doing it. I told him that I had to do this for myself, that I had to just get over and through this - whether I liked it or not.

Then I asked him if he was trying to get rid of me. He told me no, but he wanted other measures/people in place to help me. Mostly because as of September he'll have more clients and he won't be able to see me every week. Which sucks. I might not even be able to see him every two weeks. That scares me. Like he'll forget about me if he sees me only once or twice a month. So then I ask him all sorts of questions about my fears about phoning/going to see someone at the abuse centre.

Like... "What if they don't like me", "what if I don't like them", "would T be mad if I didn't get along with either of the two people he recommended", "what if I don't trust them", "what if everything moves too fast and I can't cope", "what if they give up on me".... what if they leave me?

And the only one he answered was that he wouldn't be upset with me if I didn't like either of the two people he recommended. He said that it was up to me as a client to find someone who I had the best relationship with.

He said we'd probably talk about my other questions next week when I see him. So now I have to wait a week with those questions on my mind. Phooey. And make the appointment. I think I'm going to do it before therapy next week so if I have a breakdown that I can go in and talk about it with him. Still scared though.

What happens if the receptionist that answers the phone thinks I'm an idiot? What if I can't answer her questions? What if I get scared and hang up? What if she asks too many questions?

Phooey. My brain doesn't like shutting up much.