I have been feeling very yucky lately. I went to the ER this weekend to make sure I didn't have anything too major going on like toxicity from lithium. That wasn't the case and I stopped throwing up so they sent me home. I've been disocating a bit I guess. See a pdoc tomorrow, not my usual one, but still worried about what's going to go on there if anything. Very stressed, bills are piling up. I can't seem to find a part time job in the area plus I can't drive so that also limits things... but, anyway, the real reason I was writing here was that my twin sister recently got married, her husband left to serve the rest of his enlistment whatever in the marines so she's living with my mom again rent free. My mom said I could live with her paying a small amount like 200 a month and food; but, the pdoc said it would basically make my illnesses a lot worse and just be unhealthy. I feel like she's throwing things in my face because she pays everything for my sister: her car, insurance, took out loans for her education; when I had to rely on loans and grants based on scholastics/need based grants etc. Am I being selfish or childish or self centered or something? I just don't understand. I know I'm probly whinng that life isn't fair but hey just ignore me if you don't like it. Since my sister met her man online she has pretty much been out for herself 24x7 no consideration for anyone. I don't drive and couldn't get transportation for my T/Doc appointments this week and she wouldn't come down today when I thought the doc was going to see me and I need a heart/bp prescription to take tomorrow morning and don't have it bc I'm not able to get there and back. I'm tired of feeling ill. I hate feeling like used or whatever u want to call it.... being a doormat. I called my sister a %#@&#! ***** because she was yelling at me and saying that basically it was too bad she wasn't going to come up and someone else could pick up my meds and what not. I'm sorry but if that were the case, I wouldn't have asked her. I'm sorry for the ranting but I need to get this out of my system somewhere. I hate namecalling but it just came out and she also said something really uncalled for she said why don't you have that guy you screwed have him bring you! If she said that to me in person, even being the smaller one I think I would have punched her in the face; I was so mad; and still am apparently. Any other views on this crap would be great. I guess I have to remember the sun will come out tomorrow; but, it seems like when it rains, it pours!