I'm also sorry that you're hurting - Christmas can be difficult for bringing up feelings of what we've lost or never had and can amplify things. It seems you're stuck between a rock and a hard place , but options seem to be available for both T's?. T1 sounds consistent , T2 doesn't seem consistent and is perhaps moving a little fast. I'm looking at your own words here - confusion , doubts fears , that's difficult and bewildering.