Quote:
Originally Posted by SkyscraperMeow
I think the very fact that so much emphasis is put on boundaries in therapy is both a) indicative of how infantalizing it can be (with the therapist putting in firm rules and explaining them much like you would to a small child) and b) strong evidence for how much power they have.
There's no other relationship where you'd tolerate someone having this many 'boundaries'. In fact, if anyone acted like a therapist did, you'd probably recommend they get therapy! Therapists actually act like prize weirdos most of the time.
I think boundaries are mostly there to keep the therapist sane and separate from clients, and have very little to do with the client's well-being. I think some therapists frame the boundaries as if they're for the client, but I think that a disingenuous lie. For example, the reason why your therapist won't answer ten emails a day isn't because it's bad for you. (It might actually be really therapeutic and useful for you.)It's because they don't have time to do that and trying to would drive them insane. If they were up front about that as a logistical reason for not replying, that would be fine. But framing it as being a 'boundary' there for the 'client' is just nonsense.
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I will say my T has never used the word "boundary" with me. When I was going through a rough time, she said to please call or e-mail her if I was having trouble during the week. I was the one who kept bringing up that I felt bad about e-mailing or calling so much (when i was feeling bad, emailing 1-2/week), and it took a couple of months of her reassuring me it was ok.
But, she did say that as long as I knew that if it was really serious, that I knew I could call our local mental health crisis line that is open 24/7 or go to the ER. She said that even if I e-mailed every day, it wouldn't mean I was a "bad" client, it meant that I needed more care than she could give. She said that her job is to be a T, but she isn't a T 24 hours a day. So if I e-mail or call, she may be in sessions all day, or with her family and couldn't get back to me right away. I totally understand that.
So in a way she was telling me her boundaries, but only because I was so concerned about intruding upon her life. She was very realistic about it, but said it in a non-shaming way.
Of course it is different than any other relationship, how could it not be? Where else do you sit with someone's undivided attention week after week, and it solely be about you? Even with the best of friends, of course they also will bring up themselves in the conversations too, that is natural. My T does tell me stories about her life that relate to what I am talking about, but it is still in support of whatever I am saying.
But, I think that this whole boundary thing doesn't have to be a huge deal and seem weird and mysterious. My T is very transparent and seemingly genuine. Just yesterday I left after waiting for 25 minutes (which i've never done), and I was pissed! I could hear her laughing in the room with the client, and it put me over the edge.
She called me when I was walking home and apologized profusely, saying that she mis-read the clock when she looked up at it, and thought she was only a half-hour in instead of an hour and a half. I still think that's a little crazy to lose track of time like that, but she does get very involved when you are in session with her.
Anyway, she apologized, but I was pretty short with her on the phone. I was still mad. She sent me an e-mail after, saying she felt bad, and that in the future she'll set a timer for her sessions. To me, she made a big mistake, but she owned up to it and told me how she'd fix it in the future--much like if you ****ed up with a friend. You'd apologize and figure out a way so it didn't happen again.
Anyway, that was a bit off track.