Quote:
Originally Posted by yagr
I think you've made a very insightful post. I suffered severe trauma in childhood and subsequently joined the military. There I was part of a tight knit team that saw combat in six war zones; two of us made it home from our last assignment. Five years later, he took his own life and I am now the only one of my unit still alive.
I've healed from both childhood and combat, but a recurring theme along the journey was the desire to return to a place where the rules were simple - survive at all costs and destroy that which threatens your survival. The most challenging parts of healing from my childhood and reintegrating into society after the military were learning how to live without trauma imposed daily.
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I'm glad you've healed. My old man is also better now, at 72 he is the same man but with a lot of time and distance behind him and he is well beyond the bad days of drinking and rage. I have been able to forgive him as I have grown and learned more about trauma and how it develops and can run through the heart of a family. I love my Father despite or because I am a part of his trauma I don't know. But one thing is for sure, whilst I know I deserved a whole lot better as a child, I can say that he deserved better as a combat veteran in 1972 and that his wounds became mine and my brothers because his were not addressed back then. For a kid who grew up witnessing PTSD manifest through alcoholism I have a lot of heart for healing myself and laying this to rest for future generations in our family.
My Dad is on-board with this as well, he KNOWS who he was back then and he carries it these days as deep shame that my brother and I are keen to release him from. He's suffered enough, we all have.
It's a bad business no doubt about it, but we are getting to the root of it and digging out the rot so that the latest generation in our family are free from the echoes of the unhealed pain that our Fathers carried alone.
Best wishes I am GLAD that you are healed I am sorry for your losses and stoked for your survival. x