I'm going through that right now. It was a really horrible end to the year, finding out my ex narcissist is now engaged, fighting with my family and now feeling really lonely. I had a really bad dream about my ex last night and it's left me feeling really down today. I'm running all sorts through my mind, like why wasn't I good enough for him to want to marry?? Will I ever be good enough for anyone??

I have thought about online dating to try and help myself get over him, but I'm just petrified of meeting someone as I'm convinced they will leave me. Everyone has left me in the past, so I feel it will never be any different.

My sister said that people with really bad depression can't get out of bed for months at a time and my episodes never last that long, but if I'm not clinically depressed then why do I have thoughts of suicide and ending my life so much? Just before Christmas I was planning on staying at a hotel for a night and killing myself. I was so close at one point. So if that's not depression, what have I got?

My future just feels so black and I can't see a way forward. I don't want to be alone forever

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