Quote:
Originally Posted by TinaW0812
I need help making a difficult desicion to divorce or not. So here's my story, I'll try to sum it up as much as possible. I've been married for 8 years and have an 8 year old son with my husband. In the past 8 years my husband has had alcohol issues but it has gotten a lot better. He's been in and out of jobs, i.e. probably at least 15-20 jobs over the past 9 years. Doesn't seem to have drive to better himself or strive for something more. He's plummeted our family into financial bankruptcy. I've had to be the sole supporter. I've tried my hardest to make him understand where I'm at with my feelings and how he's has negatively affected them but doesn't seem to push him try harder in those areas. I will give him credit he is a wonderful father and attentive to my needs, I know he cares but it doesn't seem to help him do better for his family. Ive gotten to the point where I find myself ill to look at him sometimes. I don't even like sleeping in the same bed with him. I love him but not sure if I'm in love with him anymore. I'm scared to be alone but I'm also scared to stay with him any longer. What should I do?
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First off I want to say I'm sorry your in the position your in.
Deciding to divorce is a VERY difficult decision. My input is this. I was married for almost 40 years. Now I met my wife when I was in my early teens. I had an alcohol problem. She knew that but we wound up getting married in our early 20's regardless.
Did you know about your husbands alcohol problem ? Has he gotten help ? Somebody who has 15-20 different jobs in just 9 years ? Has no ambition ? Drove your family into bankruptcy ? Doesn't seem to care about your feelings ? Sometimes looking at him makes you ill ? You don't want to sleep in the same bed with him ? Then there's this line I heard maybe 10 years ago myself but was too numb from pain meds that I let it go right over my head. The old " I love you but I'm not IN love with you anymore "! If you think that then it's probably true.
So all this and you still say" he's a wonderful father and attentive to your needs" ? Sounds like a contradiction to me.
I know I would have used ANY little excuse or even lie to myself so that I wouldn't have to do what I eventually did. Actually what she waited for me to do.
Now I was scared to be alone so I stayed in an abusive and dead marriage for maybe 20 yrs. too long ! Don't you make that mistake ! Think of your son.
What's best for him ?
Don't you make the same mistake I did. But you have to consider a great many different possible outcomes before you act.
I read what you said in an objective manner. From the outside. Now you need to read what YOU said , by looking at it objectively.
Lastly, I would say that if he does have an alcohol problem, try to get him to seek help , and also try marriage counseling. I would love to see you be able to save your marriage.