Congratulations on holding it together over the whole time you did.

I'm sorry you feel life is so bleak now. It is a reaction I recognise in myself, especially when I have aimed for a date to hold myself together and then by doing that almost have permission to feel what I really feel afterwards. It often feels like all the bad stuff you would have felt all that time jumps on me at once!!!

I would appeal to you to hang on, if you still feel this low, phone your local helpline or suicide crisis line, what ever you have, you do deserve to and they won't judge you, in my experience the volunteers are only too happy that someone in distress has phoned them and gained support.

In the mean time, keep posting here. People here do care and value you as an individual.

People here have helped me through some dark times and I hope you get as much encouragement from this community as I have.

❤️