It may not be "rape" but if he forced himself on you, it could be considered sexual assault. Rape hotlines can help you with sexual assault, too.

Nobody needs to know. This is a very private matter. You can keep it confidential by calling a crisis/rape hotline or by talking to a therapist. A therapist won't judge you. They are there to support you.

Please reach out for help. You sound like you need to work through this. I would hate for things to get worse for you.