I posted here months ago, but I still haven't gotten help. I don't know how to tell someone how I feel and I feel like I am being tormented by my own mind I can't stand it anymore!!!

I am depressed and have bad anxiety and panic attacks. I told my doctor about my panic attacks and was put on Paxil, the Paxil made me hallucinate, a constant panic and suicidal so I quit after just a week. The effects lasted weeks/months and I thought I had lost my mind.

Now I just take Ativan to calm the panic attacks but they make me so angry and agitated.

My problem is I have uncontrollable anger, jealousy, sad and suicidal. It effects my relationship terribly, I cannot stand to even hear a woman's name come out of his mouth or I feel instant horrible anger. Thoughts about his past intrude my brain constantly and make me so sad that I can't stop the thoughts. I find myself in rages and complete paranoia that he is cheating constantly and it's tearing my marriage apart!!
I see a therapist monthly but I cannot bring myself to tell her the way I feel. I spend weeks/months so miserable and angry. Then il have a month here and there where I feel happy and normal and like I can do anything a normal person can.
I feel like I am undiagnosed bipolar.. But I just can't bring myself to tell anybody how I feel.. I'm so embarrassed



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk