Finally have a chance to read the posts & reply. During the first few years, I was usually involuntarily admitted into the hospital, with ER, charcoal, & misc other things. The first hospital I was put into only had an open unit, but after OD'ing, I was put in the observation room. I was so PO'ed that I wouldn't cooperate with anyone or anything. After all, I didn't belong there. I wasn't sick. Nothing was wrong. Why should I be there? I didn't have anything in common with anyone else there, so LEAVE ME ALONE! Actually that attitude went on for years. They had groups, but I didn't have anything to say so why bother going. They can't make me. When that hospital was closed, I usually was taken by ambulance to the ER of the local hospital (the only local one with a psych ward, including a closed unit). My insurance required me to go to a hospital 100 miles away from home. PO'ed even worse. Many times I had to be hospitalized even in ICU (while in a coma) to be stabalized before being put into the closed unit. They usually had a nurse sitting in my room 24 hr/day (one-on-one). Continually had my attitude of not belonging there. I even tried to refuse going to the hospital via ambulance but was told that I would be arrested & taken there anyway, so don't fight it. I also ended up in a hospital that treated eating disorders. My same attitued prevailed since I didn't want to be there either even though they were treating me because I was what they considered in a condition that needed immediate treatment even though I couldn't pay.

After a while, I would go to a couple of groups that sounded like they could be interesting, then found some help by going. I then tried a few more. It had to be my choice. I will never do anything I don't want to do. Finally, I began to realize that I actually could get some help other than from my pdoc & psychologist, in the hospital environment. My Dr's had hospital practicing rights in the local hospital, but I was assigned a real jerk at the hospital my insurance required me to go to. I would never cooperate with him, NEVER!! My insurance initially sent me to the UCLA psych hospital. I was first placed in their closed unit, was that scarry. I stayed in my room afraid to come out. Had such a panic attack during the night that they let me sleep alone in the common room with checks every 15 minutes (common for all psych hospitals). Later, I was transferred to the open unit where we got the priviledge of going out in a group into Westwood & go shopping. The only "not bad" part of the whole experience.

After my first psychiatrist decided not to treat me anymore (because I wouldn't stop abusing my psych meds & others including tylenol & laxatives), I ended up going voluntarily to other psych hospitals. Ended up in some really terrible hospitals thinking it might be the only way to find another Pdoc. I ended up in a private psych hospital, where I was assigned my current pdoc. Had some problems at first but after getting to know each other, grew respect on both our parts. I found this hospital to be more helpful. They offered groups that seemed to make sense. There were people I could relate to & even socialize with to a limited extent. It was very hard to shake my initial feelings however, but as I became more able to open up, I found out I had more problems than initially met the eye. I also ended with my current psychologist through that hospital & my pdoc when I had some husband abuse issues that helped put me into the hospital. I actually started to go to all the groups by my own decision, & they actually started to help me realize more about myself. It didn't help the OD's initially, but over a few years, I did it less & less, until it finally stopped. Every once in a while, the depression gets out of hand, I my pdoc puts me in the hospital to try a new med (because of the side effects I have, I can't take them with being observed). I have successfully been out of a psych hospital for over a year without any need to be in one. It's rather strange, going from almost living in the psych hospital to not needing it at all (knock on wood).

Initially, the hospital stays were for safety even though I didn't want it. Later, I actually understood what I could get out of it, & participated. Maybe that is why I started to change my thought processes since no med ever worked. I had to realize that no pill would be magic & that it was going to take a lot of hard work to get out of that cycle I was in. I had to decide that I wanted the cycle to stop. The groups, & hospital stays with constant treatment finally seemed to get through to me. So in the long run, when I got over my arrogant attitude, I let the hospital environment actually do some good.

If you go into the hospital with an open attitude & cooperate & participate with the system, it really works, & can actually help with your treatment.

At first it is just a very scarry environment to be placed into, especially if you have led a semi-sheltered life. Even after 40 years, it was an environment I was scarred of. Especially with all the preconceived views of psych hospitals that are provided as one grows up, if you never have had any actual experience.

My experiences may be different than some because I tend to fight & not cooperate with situations I don't choose to be in. Luckily after 30+ hospitalizations, & started to get something out of the treatments that were provided.

Sorry this is long, but I guess I went through a long process before allowing myself to get the help I needed.