After not really being on here very much, I don't recognize all the names anymore. But, some of you have sent me a PM asking how I am. It's been very interesting.

My last session with ex-T. was 9/14 so it's almost been 4 months. I've definitely had my moments of missing her. Last week my coworker, who sees her and was one of the reasons for termination since I got so upset my ex-T. took her on, decided to talk to me about her therapy. I found myself wanting to tell her bad things but I kept it neutral and then cried that afternoon.

My new T. is awesome. She is the complete opposite of ex-T. She's validating, reassuring, compassionate, caring, etc. I once asked my brother, who had been in therapy also, how he knew his therapists cared about him. did he ask? He said he never had to ask - he knew. That's exactly how I feel. I just know.

New T. believes my transference began because of all the unmet needs that surfaced after my mom died. NOT my therapist. She believes the issues I had with ex-T. were just her personality not necessarily transference. And, her negative reactions to me telling her my feelings were recreating the past of not feeling hurt, understood, safe, accepted, etc.

I went back through my notes and 3 months into the therapy it felt bad, not right, hurtful. It's probably the first time in my life I did not listen to my intuition.

Ex-T. hurt me very deeply. Current T. and I plan to process my time with ex-T. to make sense of why I had that experience and what it was supposed to teach me.

I do have MET with new T so it did transfer. But, it's not nearly as intense because she knows how to handle it better. she believes the ET is my wall, my defense. The more I can tolerate taking her in and healing, the closer we will come to finding out why I'm having it.

Anyway, I'm not on here very much except to check PMs. I don't feel as upset so I guess I haven't needed the support as much.

Thank you to those who have checked in.